It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
