There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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