Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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