dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
