btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
