I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
