where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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