im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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