I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
