We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
