He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize