Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
