what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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