I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
