I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
