Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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