moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
