tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my liver is dry heaving
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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