I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
