Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My liver just had a heart attack.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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