my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
