Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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