You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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