What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
