at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My dick has a subreddit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
