we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
