An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
3pm strippers are depressing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
