i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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