using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
