I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize