I think i peed on brittanys purse
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
