hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
