I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
