she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize