I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize