If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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