pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
