I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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