see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize