dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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