I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm bleeding and have questions
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize