I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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