u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So many bounce houses so little time
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
