Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
