He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i think im in europe. pls send help
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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