the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
