So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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