It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
