You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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