I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
