I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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