I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My life is pants optional.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
