ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
