She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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