Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
