Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
