Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
