Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize