I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
