he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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