i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Text me some of your sweat
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
