Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
