The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
