i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
