Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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