I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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