i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
