the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
