Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
