I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
