I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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