with your own penis?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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