In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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