no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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