My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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