Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
