I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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