i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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