remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
