I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
