all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
