talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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