he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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