I will die if light touches me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
