You're so nebulous sometimes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
