I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
