We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
