Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize