you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
