Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
