i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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