I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
