sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
