ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
